


i had a feeling so peculiar

by catchinglight, lostnfinding



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, One-Shot Collection, hospital au, no one is able-bodied WATT 2k21
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchinglight/pseuds/catchinglight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostnfinding/pseuds/lostnfinding
Summary: "Life is different when you're sick. You get used to things that scare most people; hospitals, needles, doctors, pain. All of those things become a part of your routine, and eventually, you don’t remember life without them, if you ever had one."...that this pain would be for evermore.
Relationships: Annleigh & Farrah (We Are The Tigers), Annleigh/Clark (We Are The Tigers), Cairo & Riley (We Are The Tigers), Chess & Kate (We Are The Tigers), Kate/Eva Sanchez (We Are The Tigers)
Kudos: 23





	1. GCHS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mention of salem witch trials

Salem, Massachusetts had its legacy, and that legacy was the Salem Witch Trials of 1692.

Over two hundred people were accused and tried for witchcraft, primarily women, and twenty-five died as a result.

It was not a pretty legacy. But if you ignored its misogynistic, racist history, Salem was a nice place. 

Salem was a pleasant coastal town of forty thousand people, tourists flocking in every October and leaving with the month. Despite the close proximity to Boston, a city larger than it by five times in area and a little under one hundred times in population, Salem remained unbothered during the other eleven months of the year.

At least, the town remained unbothered. The people faced their troubles and hard days.

Giles Corey was one of five men executed during the Salem Witch Trials. His wife, Martha, was convicted and faced the gallows, but he refused to plead either way and was pressed in an attempt to force a confession. Three days of torture killed him.

In the centuries that followed the witch trials, the town and citizens of Salem made quite an effort to memorialize and honor all of the victims that faced a terrible fate, Giles Corey included.

Traveling from Boston, you’d find yourself on an interstate, a state route, and a highway, then taking a bunch of turns with every other street you passed. Eventually, you’d drive straight for a few minutes, and if you didn’t stop, you would find yourself at GCHS.

GCHS was the abbreviation for Giles Corey Health System. It was a large building with seven floors and a recently renovated cafeteria, established in 1972 and named in memoriam of the witch trial victim. Of course, there wasn’t any problem with honoring Giles Corey, but many questioned naming a hospital and health facility after someone who had died in such an unfortunate way. It painted a bad picture. Still, Giles Corey Health System kept its name, alongside rave ratings and phenomenal staff, for more than forty-five years.

  
  


_September 2018, Salem, Massachusetts_

The town remained unbothered, but a small group of kids, all under the staff of Giles Corey’s care, continued to face their troubles and hard days.


	2. First Session

When Eva told her parents about the support group she had been informed of, they suggested she give it a try. So there she was, two days later, standing in the doorway of a hospital conference room, awaiting the arrival of other teens so the session could commence. Those there appeared around her age, likely in high school as well as sick, whether the latter was visible or not.

“Eva! Over here!” called a familiar voice, oddly enthusiastic for the setting. 

Eva turned to see the ginger girl, Riley, waving at her, and took a moment to look around before walking over. “Hi,” she replied, smiling a bit.

“I’m so glad you could make it! This is Cairo- she’s here for the group, too. We all are.” Riley gestured to the others situated in the waiting room. 

Cairo looked Eva up and down before she finally offered a “nice to meet you.”

Riley broke the awkward silence that followed. “I’d introduce you to everyone I know, but we’re all going to go around and do that later anyway.” 

Eva glanced at her phone, realizing they were running behind. “Yeah, wasn’t it supposed to start, like, almost ten minutes ago?” she asked.

“It was, but I think some people are missing,” Cairo explained with a shrug.

“Oh.” Eva glanced around again, searching for a seat. 

Life is different when you're sick, Eva thought as she settled down, finally letting herself come to terms with the fact. You get used to things that scare most people; hospitals, needles, doctors, pain. All of those things become a part of your routine, and eventually, you don’t remember life without them, if you ever had one.

All of it was still new to Eva, but what was important was that she began to understand. Not everyone is able to have a childhood without a team of doctors and constant hospital visits, and, depending on when they get sick, most can administer the majority of their treatments themselves by the time they’re twelve.

While some people think it’s sad, others call them resilient, but to them? It’s just life. Eva would have to learn to make the most of it, just as all these other kids had. Between all of the hospital stays and doctor's visits, they'd met some pretty awesome people, and so would she. These people understood the constant underestimation and being misunderstood in ways that no one else could, not mothers or cousins or even twin sisters. 

Eva knew it didn’t always happen, but when it did, the bonds created were unbreakable and the friendships built lasted a lifetime, even if that lifetime wasn’t as long as one would hope it to be. So, as she looked around the room, she was hopeful, if a bit hesitant and anxious. She had greeted Riley, the girl who told her about the support group, and Cairo, her friend, and the other people in the room were chatting amongst themselves. 

In all honesty, Eva felt a bit awkward, sitting there alone, alternating between looking around the room and at her phone, the white noise in the room making everything slightly fuzzy. She should’ve brought her Gatorade with her, she thought, but at this point, it didn’t matter; if anything were to happen, at least she was already at the hospital.

Eva’s attention was shifted to the door when a girl wearing a mask entered the room, clearly not wanting to be there, followed by another girl who kept a small, genuine smile on her face. They both looked around the room, whispering something to each other before the second girl nudged the masked girl.

The masked girl walked towards Eva, pointing to a chair nearby. “Is this seat taken?”

“No.” Eva smiled.

The girl's gaze went to a pin on Eva’s jacket. “I like your pin, by the way.”

Eva knew she was smiling a bit brighter at that moment. How could she not? A cute girl complimented her pin, her  _ pride pin _ , a little rainbow heart. “Thanks. I’m Eva.”

“Kate.” 

Eva would dare say Kate was smiling, but she couldn’t tell. The other girl had taken a seat next to Kate, leaving her friend with Eva, who analyzed Kate, still smiling, as she studied her back, eyes shining.

A trio stormed in, interrupting the quiet moment Eva and Kate were sharing. All heads in the room turned, but no one else seemed surprised by the picture that awaited them.

“We would’ve been here on time,” one of the girls began, trying to keep her anger under control. “That is, had someone not-”

“If you would have let me stay home, you wouldn’t have been late,” the smaller one said with a smirk, taking a seat isolated from the rest of the group. From the way they argued, Eva assumed they were sisters.

“Guys, let’s just calm down for a moment,” the last kid said, his voice calm and reassuring.

It didn’t work on the younger girl. “Why are you even here?” she muttered under her breath.

The therapist sighed, taking a deep sigh and the tension as her sign to begin. “Well, good afternoon, everyone. Let’s start with introductions. Riley, why don’t you go first?” 

Riley smiled as she stood up, a certain pep in her voice. “Hi! I’m Riley, I’m seventeen, and I have CVID, or Common Variable Immunodeficiency.” She shot Cairo a ‘your turn’ glare as soon as she was back in her seat.

“I’m Cairo, seventeen. I have sickle cell anemia.”

“I’m Chess,” said the girl Kate walked in with. “I’m seventeen, too, and I have EDS.”

Kate rolled her eyes when she realized it was her turn. It was almost cute. “Kate. Sixteen. Cystic fibrosis.”

Eva studied her a moment too long and was met with expectant glares once ripped back to reality. “I’m Eva. I’m sixteen, and I have POTS and Raynaud’s.”

“I’m Mattie,” the girl beside Eva chirped, perking up. She seemed younger than most everyone else- no older than fifteen. “I’m fourteen, and if it wasn’t obvious yet, I have dwarfism.”

“I’m Reese, I’m seventeen, and I just recently amputated my arm,” she said, shooting a smile at everyone else.

“‘m Farrah,” the girl who wanted to have been left at home mumbled. “I have type one diabetes and gastroparesis. Fifteen.”

Before she began, the girl who walked in with Farrah glared at the fifteen-year-old. They  _ had _ to be sisters. She recovered quickly. “My name is Annleigh, I’m sixteen, and I have rheumatoid arthritis.”

Every pair of eyes in the room shifted, all but one pair, the pair belonging to the subject of others’ staring. He was the only boy in the room and took some time to notice all of the attention pinned on him. “Oh,” he chuckled, albeit nervously. “I’m Clark, Annleigh’s boyfriend. I’m here for moral support.”

The therapist smiled at the boy, and in her peripheral vision, Eva saw Farrah roll her eyes. "Thank you for coming, Clark. I'm Dr. Feldman, and I'll be conducting our meetings every two weeks. Remember, this is a safe space; you can talk about whatever you need. Now Kate, why don't you start?"

Kate chuckled lightly and rolled her eyes again before straightening herself in the chair. Okay, she was  _ definitely _ cute. "I've had C.F. since I was born, and I was diagnosed when I was one. I'm probably going to die before I'm forty."

The room went silent, and Dr. Feldman cleared her throat. "And how does that make you feel?"

Kate looked around. "What do you want me to say? That it opens my eyes, allows me to see how precious life is? What kind of bullshit inspiration porn do you want me to be?"

"You don't think it makes you any different from any other teen?" The therapist seemed prepared for the answer she received.

"I never said that. A normal teen doesn't have to do four treatments a day, a normal teen doesn't know how to access a port, a normal teen doesn't go to the hospital every two weeks. I'm not like any other teen, but I'm not something for healthy people to pity in order to feel better about themselves."

The room was silent once again, but this time it was Farrah who took the initiative and broke it. "Okay, maybe coming here wasn't that bad of an idea."

The adult in the room leaned in Farrah’s direction, seemingly satisfied with where she was getting. “And why do you think so, Farrah?”

“‘Cause, she’s right. I’ve never been to put it into words, nor has anyone else; the feeling that you live with a line between you and the normal people. It’s like no one gets it, and you feel so alone.”

“Does anyone else feel like this?” Dr. Feldman asked, and all the girls raised their hands. Eva saw Clark look at his girlfriend, probably trying to read her expression, understand what she was thinking. He seemed genuinely shocked that they all felt that way, but there was no sign of hurt in his eyes. He seemed to understand that there were some things he would simply never get, and he seemed okay with it. “Cairo, do you want to say anything about it?”

Cairo looked around the room and sighed. “When you don’t have any visible evidence that you’re sick, no ports, no crutches, no feeding tubes, or braces, people tend not to believe you. You say you’re in pain, but you have to justify why; you’re tired, you have to apologize for sitting down. You were fine an hour ago, why aren’t you fine now? They always doubt you.” She reverted to her laid back position, as if being like that would stop her from saying anything else.

“And it’s not just normal healthy people. Doctors, when they can’t see what’s going on, they turn the blame on you. It’s your diet, it’s your posture, maybe even your anxiety. Even though you feel excruciating pain, nothing they know comes up, so it must be all in your head, right?” Chess spoke up, her voice cracking ever so slightly at the end. Kate offered her friend a hand, and Chess squeezed it, leaning onto her.

The therapist’s eyes shifted from the duo to Eva. “Eva, do you have anything to add?”

That caught Eva by surprise. Did she have anything to add? She did, Eva concluded after thinking for a bit. “It’s weird how in a second you can go from being completely fine to being exhausted. And you’re angry because you’re the only one exhausted, and how is that fair? I mean, I know why, but it’s still really fucking enraging.” Eva winced, but Dr. Feldman either failed to notice or failed to acknowledge her choice of words.

“And sometimes healthy people don’t want to accept that you’re sick, that it affects your life, and that you need certain accommodations. It’s like your illness shapes every tiny aspect of your life, or you've found a way to overcome it. You can’t have good or bad days; you’re either feeling great every day or you feel terrible all the time,” Annleigh added. 

“And with diagnoses that are more outward, they will accept it, but they accept it in a way that makes you less of a person,” Mattie hesitated as she spoke up. “You’re a high-school student, but you’ve yet to reach four feet, so that must mean you’re incapable. It must mean you’re less than. And I’m not talking physically, although that is another assumption made, but mentally, emotionally. You have to go twice as far as the average person to prove your worth, to prove  _ yourself _ . You’re different on the outside, so you must be messed up on the inside.”

Reese nodded. “Exactly.”

  
  
“You don’t meet their expectations, you’re not the kid they had in mind,” the younger girl continued. “You don’t appear to them as normal, so you must be a freak, someone unworthy of humane treatment.”

“And able-bodied individuals-” Reese cut herself off, turning to look at Mattie. “Sorry, were you done?”

After Mattie’s nod came, Dr. Feldman said, “Go on, Reese.”

“And able-bodied individuals that are on your side,” she resumed, using her left hand to put the last three words in air quotes. “They will defend people who treat you like that, arguing that people are afraid of what they don’t know, but it’s so much more than that. It’s a history of prejudice, it’s walking down a city street hoping that you’ll be safe.  _ Wondering  _ if.”

The doctor glanced around the room, hands folded in her lap. “Riley, you’ve been unusually quiet,” she noted.

Riley raised an eyebrow, producing a look that said  _ “who? me?” _ , shifting in her seat to straighten up and clearing her throat. “And whether your disability, your “lack of normalcy”, is visible to others or not, that’s still what you face. You struggle to make ends meet to refill prescriptions, and pay medical bills, push yourself far beyond your limit to feel like you might amount to something.” Riley pursed her lips, clearly searching for the right words. “And you know, deep down, that you are, because you’d never assume that of anyone else, but the constant judgment, the doctors that think it’s all in your head, the people that claim you’re faking for attention- those stick with you. The voices are always there, somewhere, faintly repeating in the back of your head.”

Eva exhaled shakily, relieved.  _ These kids got it. _

  
  


⎼⎼⎼⎼

  
  


“You’re recently diagnosed, aren’t you?” Kate and Eva were standing outside of the building, waiting for their parents to pick them up.

Eva stared at the other girl, chuckling. “Is it that obvious?”

“Nah, just a lucky guess,” Kate responded, and Eva swore she could see her smile. “Hey, what grade are you in?”

“I’m a junior,” she answered. “And you?”

Kate  _ had _ to be smiling now. “I’m a junior, too.”

“Huh,” was all Eva managed, unable to form coherent sentences with her eyes locked with Kate’s.

After what felt like an eternity but was likely closer to one minute and thirty seconds, a battered minivan swerved into the pick-up lane. Eva took a moment to collect herself from whatever gay crisis she nearly had, struggling to come up with the proper farewell. “Well, that’s my ride,” she said awkwardly, but not without internal scolding in the seconds following.

“Oh,” Kate breathed. “Oh, okay, well, uh… I’ll see you later?”

Eva tried to hold back a grin, ultimately failing. She turned on her heel, walking toward the car with a certain pep in her step, glancing back when Kate called her name. “Yeah?”

“I like your pin.”

_ Still _ , Eva thought, managing an awkward salute as she climbed in the family vehicle. 

Maybe she would find a good thing in the whole shit-show her diagnosis had brought on.

...Like a cute girl complimenting her pride pin. 

Twice.


End file.
